Sunday 7 September 2014

A very short post (for me anyway)

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts.

It's nearly 6am, I've still not slept and I just need to write something down. I'll put some proper updates in my next post when I'm more with it.

I honestly thought the Amitriptyline was helping the Depression in some small way. I may still have been thinking about suicide every day, but it was more in a passive sense, I felt safe, and I didn't have any really strong urges. I guess it can't be like this all the time. Maybe I have to come to terms with the fact that the Depression, like the Fibromyalgia (& let's face it, the Anxiety too), will be with me long term.

Right now, I desperately want to escape from my mind. It's very hard to pinpoint what exact thoughts are going round my head at the moment. I'm not sure what I want to do, but I feel so agitated, helpless, guilty, like the worst daughter and friend, like everything about me is just...wrong.

It's like there's a big messy knot of all these emotions and more, that I want to rip from my head and stamp on until there's nothing left. I want to escape.

Am I making any sense at all? I wouldn't blame you if you disagreed.

1 comment:

  1. It does make sense... seems a lot of antidepressants provide general relief, but when they fail to, they fail hard.