Tuesday 3 June 2014

Quick update


I've abandoned my blog for a while. I have had things going on, and things to talk about, but just no energy to form them into some sort of fluent post. I think it's all catching up on me, as I'm feeling very ill at the moment. I'm being bad and not pacing properly. I've been pushing myself too much, to do things. Mainly things that need to be done though. I can't rely on my dad for everything. It isn't fair on him, when he has so much on his plate already. I should be listening to my body (especially when it's practically screaming at me!) but instead, I've ignored it and carried on until I had no choice but to lie down.

I had a family meal to go to yesterday (Sunday), and I started the day feeling awful. There were relatives there, that I hadn't seen in years though. I felt obliged to make the effort and go. I'm really suffering for it today (and will be even more so, tomorrow), but I'm glad I went. It was nice to see my nan having a lovely time (it was her 80th birthday!). I couldn't eat much, and had to go to the loo about 4 times. That was a bit of a walk from the table, so I needed my stick the whole time.

I worried about what certain relatives would say about my stick. The last time some of them saw me, I wasn't needing to use it (or had too much internalised ableism to, I don't know). I don't think my invisible illness was so invisible this time however. I know I was visibly shaking, when I got there. Some of my relatives asked a few questions, but they were really understanding. No really awkward comments, which I was SO glad of. No one asked about whether I was working yet as well, which I was also very glad of.

Anyway, today I woke up in A LOT of pain, more stiffness than usual, cold sweats, dizziness, weakness, confusion and nausea. I should've stayed in bed all day really, but I hate not being nice and clean and showered. I dragged myself out of bed (about 3pm) to do that, and had a long rest before eating. I'm lucky that I'm physically able to do that when I need to, even when my body is screaming at me to rest. It's also my time of the month right now, and I get incredibly painful periods (is that another flipping symptom of Fibromyalgia? Probably...). I've been doubled over with pain today.

I'd love to have a better form of pain management. So far, the only pain pills I have, which don't give me awful side effects, are Ibuprofen (400mg). They just about manage to work on headaches, but don't even touch the surface of any other pains. If I've not already overheated (which I do very easily), I use a hot water bottle. It very temporarily helps my back, but it has to be quite hot and ends up burning my skin anyway. I suppose a burn is easier to cope with than the chronic pain I get though. Other than that, I just rest when I have to. The only time I don't feel the pain is when I'm asleep, so I cherish sleep* quite a lot.

*Sleep is a relevant topic I want to talk about in my next post, so I'll leave this here for now and try to get some sleep soon.

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