Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Discharge, again

So, I've been discharged from CMHT again. I'm not sure if I feel ready, but the way my CPN spoke, I get the feeling that they just don't have the resources to do anything else for me. There was the option of a Distress Tolerance group, but my Support Worker had already covered most of it, so my CPN didn't think I'd get any more benefit from it.

I'm not left completely empty handed however. I will get a care plan in the post (so at least I'll have an idea as to what to do if feeling unwell) and I've been signposted to the Cruse Bereavement Counselling service (for the abortion) and a domestic violence charity (for my abusive relationship, see I'm a Survivor)

I still feel weird, and lonely, and lost, but I don't think I'm quite as unwell as I was when referred to CMHT. I'm writing this on a day where I feel numb though, so who knows!

When having a personality disorder that mainly manifests as extreme mood swings, I find it really hard to tell whether I'm getting more ill or if I'm having a bad hour/day/week. My moods often change so quickly, I can be feeling extremely low at one point, agitated and paranoid the next, and hyper the next. This means that I can appear fine when I'm not. I can appear happy in an appointment, and then can feel very unwell when I get home.

Going back to the subject of signposting, I'm currently building up the courage to ring these places to see what sort of help I can get. I have some events coming up quite soon, and bringing myself back to these traumatic times may be risky, so maybe I should wait until at least some of these events have passed? It may be that there's a waiting list for help though, so do I get the ball rolling now?

How have you felt after discharge? Did you feel it was too soon, or did it turn out to be the right thing for you? Please comment below.

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